This story originally appeared in the January 2020 (48.4) issue of POWDER.
I should still be in bed. It’s so cold, I can’t feel my face. Can your organs get frostbite? Did I pack enough layers or enough snacks? Should I take out this extra puffy so I can carry more water? Isn’t beer mostly water?
Okay, here we go! Look at us—up with the sun like a bunch of elite athletes using our bodies in the mountains. We are such good stewards of the earth! Why don’t we do this every morning? We are so fit!
Oh, that’s right, I live at sea level. I can’t breathe. Can you please slow down? I feel like hot garbage.
If I laid down right now, how long would it take me to freeze and die and put an end to this misery? No it’s fine, don’t wait for me, I’m fine.
I’m so hot my nostrils are sweating. My organs…